As a kid, I found nighttime scary, so very afraid of the monsters lurking in the shadows. As I grew up, I began to see the magic in the night, but my demons still lurked in the dark of my soul.
For so long I felt like my demons defined me. I hid parts of myself away, afraid if people saw them they would no longer like me, afraid that these parts of myself made me unlovable.
What parts of yourself are you hiding away?
I spent most of 2015 meeting my demons face on, learning their names, hearing their stories, seeing my worries reflected in their faces. Turns out, just like me, my demons and monsters are doing the best they can.
Now, when I find myself feeling scared of the dark – of my dark – and longing to shine brightly, I remind myself of all the lessons learned sitting in the depths and how not a single monster has eaten me yet. Not a single alien has abducted me. Not a single ghost has tortured me.
Instead I found friends down here, exploring their own depths, practicing compassion for their demons, learning to both delve and rise.
What I discovered was a profound need for warmth in the depths of my darkness.
The warmth of love. The warmth of a hot cup of tea sipped by my (fake) fireplace. The warmth of cuddles from fluffy dogs under fully blankets. The comfort of permission, to hibernate, to rejuvenate, to relax and trust that the light will come again.
What was so scary about my darkness was the coldheartedness that came along with it. As long as I brought warmth with me, those depths weren’t nearly as scary.
How can you bring warmth to the depths of your soul?
How can you thaw the coldheartedness in your life? How can you send love to all parts of you, even the perceived flaws?
The answer to this question lies within you, so grab a journal, a hot cup of Bawdy Breakfast tea, and let your soul do the talking. Ask yourself these questions above, and write out the answer. Don’t judge your words, they’re not for publication, they don’t have to win you Nobel prizes. The only goal is to hear yourself think, to allow your body to tell you what it needs.
So write it out, then listen. If you feel like sharing what you discover about yourself, we’d love to hear from you over at the Bawdy Love Facebook group.