My overnight success took twenty years.
Right now, my novel, BECAUSE FAT GIRL, is in the bestsellers section of airports across the country. While I don’t yet have actual numbers, I can confidently say that thousands of people have at the very least seen my book, if not picked it up and read it.
That still blows my mind. It feels like a dream that’s not real.
Because for so long, this book’s success lived only in my dreams.
Dealing with Rejection as a Writer
According to a survey by the Association of Authors’ Representatives, about 90% of manuscripts submitted to literary agents are rejected. This is why you have to build up resilience if you want to make it as an author.
For decades, I’ve faced rejection in my writing career.
I started my first novel in 2004. I wrote multiple essays, blog posts, and articles that were published, but couldn’t get people interested in my longer work.
In 2013, my memoir was dismissed with the claim that no one would want to read a lesbian sex memoir, despite my established presence in various magazines and popular online presence.
In 2015, a publisher expressed interest in my work around body positivity but ultimately rejected my book BAWDY LOVE: 10 Steps to Profoundly Loving Your Body because it didn’t have diet talk in it (I later self-published it).
In 2019, an early agent for BECAUSE FAT GIRL suggested that if I changed the genders of the characters, they could sell it immediately.
By January 2022, the rejection caught up with me and I was at a new low point. I had just turned 40, my nephew had just died of cancer, I was physically very ill, and I still couldn’t get a publisher to take a chance on my queer stories. My agent’s feedback was disheartening, and I felt like giving up.
And to be fair, I did give up. I let go of the hustle and grind for a bit and let my body and soul rest. But there’s only so long I can sit on the sofa without wanting to get up again. My book kept calling my name and I couldn’t just accept that it was over.
So, instead of quitting on my goal of publishing a book, I decided to find a way to make the process fun.
Resilience in the Writing Journey
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with higher resilience are more likely to achieve their goals and maintain motivation despite setbacks. I knew that fact and wanted to create something that could help me directly build up my own resilience as a creative.
In 2021, I made a sticker chart that I now call 33 Asks®, which incorporates fun, creativity, and rewards into the process of facing rejection. This colorful and fun process transformed my outlook on rejection, turning it from a source of fear into a reason to celebrate.
Since 2021, I have used 33 Asks® to build up my business, School for Writers®, to much success. It took me from $1500 months to $15,000 months, helped me stay booked out with clients, and even got my featured on Good Morning America.
So when I was facing rejection for BECAUSE FAT GIRL, I thought why not try using 33 Asks® to get me a book deal?
Spoiler alert: it worked!
Big time.
Not only did I get multiple agents interested in the book, a publisher dedicated to it being a success, and a whole community of people on board to help me promote it – I HAD FUN DOING IT!
That last bit is the key.
Sure, some parts of it were hard, and sure I still found myself overwhelmed often, but overall, the process was fun, rewarding, and creative.
That’s the goal. That’s why this book is a success. Not because it’s in bookstores everywhere, but because it’s a joyful experience for both readers and me.
I wouldn’t be here celebrating BECAUSE FAT GIRL with you today if I hadn’t learned how to turn rejection into resilience. And now, I want to teach you how to do the same.
Here are three key strategies that helped me overcome rejection:
1. Make it Fun and Creative
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who incorporate fun and enjoyment into their goal-setting process are more likely to achieve their goals. Specifically, the research indicates that when people find joy in the process, they are more motivated and persistent in pursuing their objectives.
I developed a colorful sticker chart that tracks my progress –– that’s the core of 33 Asks®. Each time I accomplish a task, I reward myself with a sticker. This simple act provides a dopamine hit and makes the process enjoyable.
Try it: Write your goals out on a piece of paper using colored pens, stickers, images, whatever feels fun and creative to you. Put the page up on your wall and use it to inspire you.
2. Build a Supportive Community
Research indicates that social support significantly contributes to resilience. A study published in Psychological Bulletin found that individuals with strong social networks are better equipped to handle stress and adversity.
Surrounding myself with a community of supportive individuals has been crucial. It’s important to have people who celebrate your successes AND uplift you during tough times, because you’ll need community for both the ups and the downs. A tight-knit group of peers who understand your journey can make all the difference.
Try it: Reach out to three friends and tell them your creative goal. Ask them their own goals and hold each other accountable to carve out time to get them done. I suggest creative library dates! I’ve done them with friends before and they’re so fun – plus you can’t talk like in a cafe so it helps you focus.
3. Seek Guidance from a Coach or a Mentor
According to a study by the Chronicle of Higher Education, 75% of executives credit their mentors with helping them achieve their current positions. This statistic highlights the significant role that mentorship plays in professional development and success.
Having someone who has navigated similar challenges can provide invaluable perspective. A mentor can reassure you that rejection is a normal part of the creative process and offer constructive feedback to help you improve.
You don’t have to work directly with someone to learn from them, though! Books, online courses, YouTube, social media, they’re all great places to find and learn from mentors.
Try it: Grab yourself a new book on creativity! They’re low cost and give you insight into the minds of great humans throughout history. Check out my favorite books on creativity and writing here.
Make it fun, build community, and find mentorship. That’s the key to building resilience.
I know it can be hard to face rejection, but I also know it’s absolutely worth it to keep putting your creative self out there again and again. It paid off for me, and I know it will pay off for you too.
Keep going.
Because the world needs your story now more than ever.™
Want help turning rejection into resilience?
Check out my Creative Resilience Toolkit, where I’m sharing resources and strategies to thrive in your creative journey.
