During a conversation about my Fight Holiday Body Shaming program, a reader asked me what to do when someone gives you a piece of clothing that’s too small for you as a “goal” to lose weight.

You can hear my full answer to that question in my Fight Holiday Body Shaming coaching call (sign-up to get it here for free), but my short answer is, “return it for money or donate it for good karma. Whatever you do, don’t let it just sit there taunting you in your closet. Let that negative energy go.”

Since answering that question, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “goal clothing.” I remember an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda was so exhausted and stressed from having a baby that she finally fit into her “skinny” jeans – or the pair of pants she’s kept around for years hoping she’ll fit in them one day.

She gave power to those jeans and in turn when she put them on she felt powerful. She got to the front of the line at a booked new club. She had instant sex appeal. She even used their power to get Carrie out of a ticket for smoking marijuana on the street.

“What if,” I thought, “I did that with substantial goals in my life, goals I actually want to achieve?”

Experts say that achieving goals is easier if you can fully visualize yourself at the moment when you reach that goal. It makes sense then that you’d also think about what you’re wearing when you reach a particular milestone, how it feels on your body, what it looks like to obtain this dream of yours.

Want to climb a mountain? What shoes are you wearing when you reach the top?

Want to win an Oscar? What are you wearing on stage for your acceptance speech?

Want to take a trip to Hawaii? What bathing suit are you wearing while sipping margaritas?

Let’s redefine the idea of goal clothing from one that encourages you to diet and shrink in life, to one that encourages you to dream and expand your horizons.

Try this:

Pick a goal. Don’t worry if feels too grandiose. No dream is too big here.

Visualize yourself achieving that goal. Where are you? Who is around you? What’s the weather like? How do you feel?

Now think about what you’re wearing. Is this a formal occasion? Casual? Are you completely nude, rocking the red carpet, or somewhere in between?

How does it look to achieve your goals and dreams?

Now, go find a photo online of the outfit you’re imagining. Or, if you’re a better artist than I am, draw it out. Pull in everything around it as well. Create a dream board visualizing exactly what achieving your goals looks like.

You don’t have to go out and buy the clothes – you don’t want them hanging around going out of fashion while you work towards grandiose goals – but know that you’re worthy of them, when the time is right. For now, just use them as encouragement to dream.


Here are some photos I keep around to help me dream big.

For wearing on the beach in Mexico when I host my dream Bawdy Love retreat there:


Jibri Gold Caftan (jibrionline.com)

For when I attend Sundance Film Festival:

Ski Blue waterproof jacket from Marina Rinaldi.

Marina Rinaldi Ski Blue waterproof jacket. (marinarinaldi.com)

For when Oprah asks me to come on Super Soul Sunday (gotta wear a crop top after the O Magazine crop top debacle!):

Jibri crop top and pants (jibrionline.com)

Jibri crop top and pants (jibrionline.com)

For seeing the Metropolitan Opera live:

Marina Rinaldi (neimanmarcus.com)

Marina Rinaldi (neimanmarcus.com)

For the next time I go on a date:

Ashley Graham collection from Addition Elle (additionelle.com)

Ashley Graham collection from Addition Elle (additionelle.com)

For when I take off and visit all of the National Parks in my Airstream, but also make occasional stops to speak to large audiences across the country:

Jibri Silk Dress – nothing is too fancy for my Airstream. (JibriOlnine.com)

Jibri Silk Dress – nothing is too fancy for my Airstream. (JibriOlnine.com)

For now (because sometimes the luxury and decadence you’re looking for is already in your closet just waiting for you to take it out on the town):

Trying on dresses for a wedding at Nordstrom in San Diego.

Trying on dresses for a wedding at Nordstrom in San Diego. I got the one on the right and now plan to come up with a million fun events to wear it!


I’m not waiting to lose weight to go after my goals, every single item on this list would fit me right now. Instead, I’m taking the energy I used to spend on trying to lose weight and putting it into make other, more substantial and important dreams a reality.

What are your goals? What do you plan to achieve when you wear them? Let me know if the comments below or in the Bawdy Love Facebook group.


Get personalized support this holiday season with my Fight Holiday Body Shaming program.


Fight Holiday Body Shaming is a 10 week email-based course to help you combat holiday body shaming and thrive into the New Year. I want everyone to have the skills they need to fight holiday body shaming, so I’ve made this a “Pay What You Want” course, meaning you can decide how much you’re able to pay for it.

Registration closes November 2, and the program runs November 3 – January 5. Enroll today!