I learned the hard way that being miserable helps no one. For years, I suffered for the cause, martyring myself to be what others wanted me to be, and failing horribly at it. I was mean to the people around me and deplorable to myself.

One night a few years ago, I sat with a bottle of pills in one hand and a knife in the other. I’d had enough.

Somehow, I got up off the floor, crawled into bed, and fell asleep. I woke up the next day still knowing I’d had enough, but instead of ending my life I wanted to end the parts of it that were making me miserable. So I ran away, searching for joy.

I’ve spent the years since researching, understanding, and living joy as a concept and a way of life. Many people along my journey have called me selfish, and maybe I am. Maybe that’s okay. Because by selfishly, unabashedly, and unapologetically doing what delights me, I’ve become more delightful than I ever imagined possible.

All that energy I spent hating myself, my life, and the people around me, now goes into loving all of those things.

I still have bad days. My depression has not gone away and neither has the giant black hole in my life where my brother used to be, but I now feel like I have the right to change my situation. I now feel worthy of seeking joy.

And I’ve made it my life’s work to help you feel worthy of joy as well.