During my book launch for Because Fat Girl, I experienced something that completely changed my perspective on rest.
As we made plans to launch Because Fat Girl out into the world, I cleared my schedule, expecting to be overwhelmed with podcast interviews and media appearances. But when those opportunities didn’t materialize as planned (thanks, election cycle!), I found myself with unexpected free time.
And you know what everyone told me?
“Rest. You need to rest before the busy season.”
When someone is stressed or overwhelmed, our go-to advice is often “rest”. But sometimes rest is the opposite of what we need.
Leading up to my book finally being out in the world, I had so much nervous and excited energy, I couldn’t rest, not in the traditional sense. Instead of feeling refreshed by doing nothing, I found myself mindlessly scrolling Instagram until my hands hurt and binge-watching TV shows that left me feeling worse. My body ached from sitting on the sofa all day.
Rest was not the answer physically.
It was also not the answer mentally. I didn’t want to rest, I wanted to be doing something productive that aligned with my vision of this dream come true, like visiting bookstores, being interviewed by media, and promoting the book on social media.
So, I ditched the well-meaning advice of friends and colleagues, and instead of resting, I filled my schedule with activities that nourished my soul and helped me work towards my goal:
- Did a 33 Asks® sticker chart* for each live event I was hosting and reached out to people to help pack the rooms (which I did!)
- Took an hour walk twice a day – in the morning and again at night
- Cooked my way through an entire Singaporean cookbook (it’s called Agak Agak, and it’s my new favorite cookbook I can’t stop talking about – the dishes are delicious and easy to make)
- Drove to bookstores all over San Diego handing out information about my book to booksellers
- Planned games and activities to make the live events I was hosting fun (which they were!)
- Created a list of stores along my California book tour route and did a 33 Asks® sticker chart for reaching out to them and asking if I could come in and sign (this sold lots of extra books!)
- Worked on the mural I’m painting on my bathroom door (highly suggested, they cost only $100 to replace if you don’t like it and it makes a fun surprise when people go pee!)
*33 Asks® is a process I use (and program I teach!) that takes a major goal and breaks it down into easy to do actions with built in rewards – all through a creative, colorful, and fun sticker chart.
All of this felt SO MUCH BETTER to me than “resting”.
So, I got to thinking, when we say we need rest – what do we really mean?
When Rest Really IS the Answer
Now, I want to acknowledge something important: Sometimes rest actually IS vital. I learned this firsthand last year when I had a hysterectomy and again recently when I had emergency surgery. In times like these, rest isn’t just suggested – it’s required.
But here’s what’s funny: During my recovery, many people told me to get up and go, to push through. Yet these same people were the ones telling me to rest before my big events and book launches. It made me realize that we don’t always know what we need when we need it.
So before I dive into why rest isn’t always the answer, I want to acknowledge that sometimes it absolutely is. The key is learning to distinguish between when we truly need physical rest and rehabilitation, and when we’re using “rest” as a band-aid solution for other needs.
The Problem with “Rest” as a Blanket Solution
When I pushed back against the “just rest” advice, people would send me lengthy workshops about “what counts as rest” – which ironically required hours of work to complete! They’d tell me that cleaning my house all day or hiking in the mountains “counts as rest too.”
But here’s my question: If everything counts as rest, doesn’t that make the term meaningless?
I think about my paternal grandparents a lot. They were incredibly engaged in their community, traveled the world, created art, and lived full, vibrant lives precisely because they got sleep, yes, but mostly they stayed active. When my brother was dying, the answer wasn’t to rest – it was to go to Yosemite, to have adventures, to live fully.
Maybe we don’t need rest as often as we think we do.
Maybe we say “rest” because we don’t have the right language for what we really need.
What We Really Need Instead of “Rest”
Let’s get more specific about what we’re really asking for when we say we need rest:
- Sleep: Actual, physical sleep – whether it’s 8 hours at night or a 15-minute power nap.
- Rejuvenation: Activities that energize rather than deplete us.
- Rehabilitation: Specific actions that help our bodies heal and recover.
Sometimes what fills our bucket isn’t rest at all. Instead, it might look like:
- Driving to the mountains for a hike
- Cooking my way through a new cookbook
- Working on an exciting business project
- Creating something meaningful
Ways to Combat Overwhelm That Aren’t Rest
Instead of defaulting to “rest,” here are some effective strategies to combat overwhelm that can help you feel more energized and engaged:
- Practice Mindfulness and Reflection: Taking a moment to pause and reflect on your feelings can help you gain clarity. Journaling or meditating can provide insights into what you truly need in that moment. My Journal Through It course is designed to help you articulate your emotions and find clarity and is a great place to start.
- Engage in Physical Activity: Movement can be a powerful antidote to overwhelm and can help you actually rest when you lay down to sleep. Whether it’s a gentle walk, dancing around your house to a song, or going to a park to play on the swings (10/10 highly suggest), physical activity releases endorphins that boost your mood and energy levels. Bonus points if it brings out your fun, free, inner child.
- Channel Your Energy into Creative Projects: Countless studies have shown that the act of creating something can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress. Cooking, writing, painting, playing music, building Legos, or making any kind of art is a great way to focus your energy on something productive and fulfilling.
- Connect with Your Community: Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and engaging in community activities can provide a sense of belonging and alleviate feelings of isolation. During my book tour, visiting bookstores and connecting with readers filled my bucket in ways that resting never could.
- Seek Inspiration: If part of your overwhelm is feeling stuck, you might find relief in strolling through an art museum, visiting a library, or taking a new online class (we’ve got some great ones at my company SchoolforWriters.com). Nature is also great at inspiring you and I love a good long walk with an audiobook or podcast.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledging and celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how small, can help shift your focus from what you haven’t done to what you have achieved, boosting your confidence and motivation. I especially love doing this on a sticker chart, like in 33 Asks®, or using post-its all around my house. Making this visual can help you to literally see that you’re moving the needle forward.
- Explore New Environments: Sometimes, a change of scenery can do wonders for your mindset. Whether it’s a day trip to a nearby town or simply working in a different café, new environments can spark creativity and provide a fresh perspective. It doesn’t have to be far, a 10-minute bus or car ride can be just the trick I need sometimes to change the pace.
The Truth About Ambition and Rest
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to buy into the idea of hustle culture where you have to go-go-go at all time. And your worth is absolutely NOT tied to how productive you are–you have the same value if you’re onstage winning an Oscar or sitting on the sofa watching from home.
There is a way to be ambitious and follow your dreams without burning out. It’s about following your enthusiasm, filling your life with creativity, checking in on yourself, and staying aligned with what YOU NEED IN THIS MOMENT.
As my brother died, I had an experience that showed me everything I needed to do with my life – and none of it involved laying on my couch. It was a life full of adventures, writing my books, and helping others write their books. It’s my motivator, my passion, and why I love getting shit done.
But it can be hard to walk that line between ambitious love of getting shit done and truly caring for our bodies, so I developed a framework to help us both walk that line.
A New Framework for Taking Care of Ourselves
Instead of prescribing rest as the solution every time, let’s check-in about these four things:
- Are you sick, injured, or physically exhausted?
- If so, go rest.
- If not, keep reading.
- Have you gotten a good night’s sleep in the past day or two?
- If not, go rest.
- If so, keep reading.
- Have you had food that fuels your body in the last 4-6 hours?
- If not, have a snack.
- If so, keep reading.
- Do you feel creatively inspired?
- If not, go to an art museum, listen to a podcast, read a book, etc.
- If so, keep reading.
- Have you created something in the past week?
- If not, go journal, paint, play with Legos, play music, dance and sing around the house, etc.
- If so, keep reading.
- Have you felt joy, delight, and/or awe in the last 24-hours?
- If not, go for a walk in nature, play on a playground, do something that will spark that feeling in you.
- If so, keep reading.
If you have made it through all of the above and you’re still feeling anxious and overwhelmed, it’s probably time to see a doctor and/or therapist. Just like rest is sometimes not enough, often times we need professional help to really get us out of funks.
Remember: It’s not about doing nothing and it’s not about doing everyhitng- it’s about doing what serves you best in that moment.
Embrace Your Unique Journey
Self-care is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s about understanding your unique needs and finding practices that resonate with you. Today it might be rest, tomorrow it might be an all day cooking feast. The more you sit with your own body’s clues, the more you’ll be able to give it what it needs.
As you navigate your creative journey, remember that it’s okay to prioritize activities that fill your bucket and energize you. Embrace your ambition, pursue your passions, and redefine what self-care means for you.
Ready to create sustainable creative practices that actually work for you? Check out my Creative Life Blueprint where we dive deeper into building rituals (not routines) that support your ambitious creative life.
Now it’s your turn:
What’s your relationship with rest? How do you really recharge?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.