When was the last time a relationship really lit your soul?
I’m madly in love with a little, brown dog named Sugar.
When I come to the door, she wags her tail so excitedly that she hinges in the middle and the whole half of her body sways furiously from side to side. Her enthusiasm and energy is contagious and I can’t help but wiggle my butt in response.
Every time I go to visit Sugar, we spend a good five minutes lovin’ up on each other, wiggling our bodies, rolling around on the floor, playing fetch, and running around the backyard.
When I see Sugar and Sugar sees me, our whole bodies fill with joy from the unabashed love we have for each other. There are no pretenses or complications. There is no facade, no reason to hide our love.
Wouldn’t it be great if all of your relationships were like that?
Think back on a time when you felt intense, unabashed love for someone.
- How was your relationship defined? Was it a friend, coworker, partner, lover?
- How did you admit your love to each other?
- How did having that love in your life feel?
- What aspects of your life did it enrich?
- How did that love open you up to the rest of the world?
Feel the joy of that love and relationship fill your body right now. Doesn’t that feel amazing?!
That my friends, is what I call Soul Cake.
So many of us – yes, myself included – settle for crumbs when we deserve cake. We’re constantly told – sometimes quite literally – that we are not allowed to eat cake, that we cannot afford it with our calorie counting, our scarcity mentality, our lack of time, energy, and abundance.
We are constantly told we have to earn cake. But I’m here to tell you that Soul Cake is your birthright.
Think back on that relationship that brought you joy.
- How did you show your joy to others?
- How did you mute your joy from people around you?
- How did you hold back your love?
- What walls did you put up?
Muting our joy, putting up walls, holding back our love, these are all socially taught responses to vulnerability. Sugar does not worry about social politeness and the “decency” of public displays of affection as she licks my face at the dog park. Sugar gives no thought to what others around her think of her love for me. She gives her heart and soul fully to our relationship.
Because of that, when Sugar runs off and loves on someone else, another dog or a human she finds
exciting, I don’t feel like it takes away from our love for each other. I do not get jealous, I do not get bitter, I do not hold back the next time she kisses me.
She has so much Soul Cake to give, that I never worry others are going to eat my piece.
Wouldn’t it be great if all of your relationships were like that?
Many of us weren’t handed the recipe for love and joy at birth. We don’t know how to create our own happiness, so we rely on others to bake the Soul Cakes for us to eat, so when we are left constantly scraping the pan for crumbs, we begin to believe that’s all we deserve in life.
Or maybe you were handed a recipe for success, but soon found out you’re gluten-intolerant, like me. People forced you to eat their cake and didn’t understand why you weren’t satisfied with the cake they’d given you. It made them happy. It didn’t hurt their stomach. There must be something wrong with you if this cake makes you sick.
You can’t rely on others to feed you, you must learn to bake your own Soul Cake, using the ingredients that make your heart, head, soul, and gut happy.
Ask yourself honestly:
- Do I believe I deserve to eat cake?
- How am I settling for crumbs?
- What ingredients do I need for a satisfying, delicious, thriving life full of Soul Cake?
- How can I start gathering those ingredients today?
Most importantly, ask yourself this right now:
What is holding me back from putting together the ingredients for a fully satisfying, delicious, thriving life?
Take some time right now to answer that question. Think it through, write it down, say it out loud.
Think about the ways you feed the different parts of your life.
- Are you giving all of your cake to your family and consequently starving your career?
- What parts of your life are well fed and which parts need nourishment?
Feeling crafty? Think about putting together an actual recipe for joy in your life. Here’s mine.
I’d love to know your recipe for joy. Share it in the comments below, or on social media using the hashtags #DailyDecadence and/or #BawdyLove.
Want to put together the recipe for a fully satisfying, delicious, thriving life, but don’t know where to start? Let’s chat.
